Thursday, January 21, 2010
My first Charlie blog
So this is my first attempt at blogging. I don't know how many of you out there will read this or take this to heart, But this subject to me is life changing, altering, blessing and trying. I just want to get some things out there that I think are important about the adoption process, feelings, UPS!! and DOWNS!!!!!!!.
So let me first introduce myself. My name is Karen, I am now 30 (28, when I placed). I come from a family of 6 children, me being the second. I was brought up in an LDS (Mormon) home in California. Life was normal, fun, hectic, religious and hard at times growing up. At 26 my family all made the move to Utah. I moved to Provo to experience life in a college town and had so much fun! In August of 2006 I met Chad (Charlie's father) on myspace. We talked for a while before meeting (about 5 weeks) . We met and started dating. We had sex in early Feb. (one time!!!) and broke up. I did not want to be having sex, now it takes two to tango I completely understand that, but I did not want sex before marriage (personal belief). So we broke up. Six weeks later I was sicker than a dog, continually throwing up and I could not stop. I was with my best friend Meranda and I remember sitting on her bed with a trash can throwing up for like the 60th time in 2 days saying "I don't even know what to do any more." She suggested we go to the hospital. So we went, the Dr was asking me all kinds of questions...he got to...."Could you be pregnant?" Like a dummy, because Meranda was there I said "Are you kidding, that would be like immaculate conception!" I was embarrassed that I had messed up morally and didn't want Meranda to know....besides there was "NO" way I could be pregnant! Well, blood and urine tests, revealed I was indeed pregnant! WHAT! How could this be???? Are you kidding me! I will be honest my first reaction was what are my "options". I personally don't believe in abortion but I will be honest when you are in that situation your reactions are not what you thing they will be. So we went home. I was SHOCKED!!! It took a while to set in. Now I was raised with high moral standards, HOW ON EARTH WAS I GOING TO TELL MY MOM???? Keep in mind I was 28, plenty old enough to be having a baby by society standards. But Chad and I had broken up and he was in NO WAY ready to be a father. I wanted my baby to have the best chances ever! This world is a scary place and I have watched girlfriends go through the ups and downs of being a single parent and I didn't want that for my baby, I wanted the stability of a two parent home.
So I thought long and hard about it. I went and saw an adoption counselor at LDS social services, just to see how they ran things and see what adoption entailed. I was very blessed to see the blessings of adoption in my own family. Melisse my older sister and her husband Ken are not able to get pregnant so they have adopted two children. I see how much she loves her babies and that adoption does not change the way you feel about your children. But I wondered HOW ON EARTH would I place my baby with another family, if that indeed was what was best for him??? I talked to Melisse about adoption and we even discussed her and Ken adopting my baby. I still had not told my mom or family except Melisse at this point. I was confused, scared, sad yet excited. After all I have ALWAYS wanted so so much to be a mother. But was this the right time in my life to parent?
So I will continue this on a daily basis for now, I am sure that once it is caught up to date it will slow down, but I just know that If I help ONE girl who is or was or will be in my situation grappling with the decision of adoption and I help or give her any insight what so ever my blog will have been more than worth it! I encourage any questions or comments. I intend for this blog to be raw and honest. You may not like what I say or agree with what I do or how I handle things. But this is my journey.